I Take All the Blames!

Love was beautiful, when January heat was mild. When the warmth of those fingers were like the heavenly touch. I felt all divinity has come, laden with honey, fragrance and with everything else that makes life beautiful. I was under the spell of the simplicity, more than the beauty of her eyes and charm which she brought with her.

Little did I know, the passing days will poison me, the bliss will evaporate. The ‘love’ which I adore will turn me into an absolute nonsense. What I was, I do not know now. What I know is that ‘My heart and My mind’ is now turn corrupt. It has forgotten the rationality which I advocated, forgotten the simple and small thing from the leaf of life that ‘love is to give and not to ask’. Often, I look at myself in disbelief. I do not think, I am right. People ‘Love’ whoever they want and I am in ‘Love’ with who I felt for.

Thinking of her going, starts killing me and like a corpse I lie down on the floor in cold under the numbness of the soul. For long I fought and that fight has brutalized her more than me. She received the pain of my sufferings. I grieve for whatever has happened. May be I am too bad to be loved. An ‘idiot’ who just can’t read the eyes, smell the whiff of her breath but stood there pleading ‘say me that you love me’.

Now, I realize, love can’t be bargained out of one’s feelings. My feelings can’t be forced on anyone else’s thinking, plans and emotions. I was too lame to understand it.

But now, I am standing here. Before it gets too late, before I ‘die’, I want to say sorry, for every little pain, every big suffering which I created, I made you to suffer. My reactions which hurt you badly. I disrespected not just you, but the pristine ‘love’. I could do nothing now than to seal my lips. I am shutting my ‘mouth’, may be this is the only way, I could show a little remorse, towards everything that happened.